Just What's A Canker Sore
8 years ago
Saturday, October 15, 2005
I was talking with 2 of my wonderful friends tonight and it got me thinking about direction. I mean directive behaviour, when people tell you how things are going to be. It makes me so angry when people think they have the right to run anyone else's life for them. I was in a position last year where that was done for me a lot of the time. The problem is that it was done with such good intentions. People just wanted to see me cared for, but I was not cared for, I was controlled. I lost my sense of independance, and with it some of my sense of identity. How can you enjoy life, when someone else is living it for you? I spent a lot of time feeling depressed because I lost myself. I felt squashed. I felt unimportant and irrelevant. I felt untrusted, like people thought I was incapable of making good decisions without their help. How arrogant! I was being squeezed into being the person that someone else thought I should be. Even if I wanted to make those same choices, I wanted to be the one making them. How can I take ownership of my life when I have no room to make my own decisions? It is such a disempowering experience to have choices made for you, or to be coerced into making the choices that another wants you to make. I want to be empowered to be all that I can be.
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I must say I haven't always felt at ease with some of the stuff I've heard about that organisation (not sure if I should name it).
He could easily interfere and force us to be unable to do things (sometimes he does) but he wants us to freely choose the correct option.
If that's so, it should be true so much more for humans who do not always know what's right.
I agree with you KK, people should take their lead from God. If he exercises a certain amount of control, why should anyone presume to take more control than that over the life of another. Yes, He has the power to control, but He allows us to have free will, we are not robots, He created us to be thinking, choosing beings. We don't have the right to take that off people.
And not to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, but don't think you're not being watched just coz you've left...
Master Peebody, don't confuse God and the church, how many times through history has the church been controlling?
But God also calls us to limit our choices for the sake of the weaker of our brothers. Maybe a unified front of ieas and values and 'appropriate behaviour' is what's best for the weak and confused ones that the group is caring for.
Yes it means a loss of certain freedoms and having to live to someone else's standard, but perhaps it's the best way us humans now how to limit disaster in such a scenario.
And I know anon. I have no doubt I am still being watch.
It's a sacrifice, and it sucks, and goes against all of my personal beliefs and needs. But it is still a choice to be a part of something like that anyway.
I can see what you mean Biz.
I think it is wrong to force people into anything. It's one thing to offer a suggestion, I thikn it's right to be mindful of others and to care for them, but not to make choices for them and tell them blantently what to do. No one has the right to run someone else's life.
Come on, spill. What was it called?
Ha, just loggin' on to see if you posted anything new, but you were at the party as well. Silly me
I know the verse you mean, Biz. Hang on, I'll see if I can find it...
Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak...Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall. (1 Cor 8:9-13).
However, I think that it is still every person's choice whether they will do this, rather than being forced into it.
It was a lovely conversation the other night, Tink :) I really appreciated where you were coming from, and think you'll make an amazing counselling because of it.
What didn't you understand cap? I'm happy to help you understand what i mean.
But I'm actually talking about an organisation that has structures set up that while good intented, end up controlling people and making choices for them. And when you are in the midst of that, it is a disempowering, opressive feeling. I don't think it's ok to force people into making the choices that you see is right for them. I often see situations where I just want to make choices for another, but I know that's not my place. It's my place to be there for them and guide them, but never to force them.
I am interested if there are a significant number of other graduates like you, who have felt disempowered through their experience, then that is serious.
Are there others of you out there?
I know of many other people who feel the same way I do, but any of them still with the organisation probably aren't going to say so here. And I'm not sure any people who have left post on my blog.
I think you'll find that many a person who's passed through that organisation would understand exactly what Tink is saying, many are feeling it now. But what about the weaker brothers and sisters who need the structures to stop them causing harm to themselves and/or others? It really all depends on the individual and how much they are willing to tolerate.
That being said, a lot of people are being left behind because of the degrading nature of control. Here's a quote which I think illustrates Tink's point:
"When a man can no longer choose, he ceases to be a man" A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
But there does seem to be a problem with a fair ammount of students not reaching graduation stage these days and that may be due partly to the fact that trying to control young people is like trying to herd cats. I dunno, till all the facts are in...what do you know other than what you feel, and while that's valid it's not something that I would want to see become bitterness or see being used to put down an organisation of some of the best people I've ever met, we're not perfect, neither are they, at least we're all trying hey!
I know I did things wrong too, I'm not saying I didn't, but that does not excuse what was imposed on me.
My experience was very dehumanising.
I guess all I can say is what my experience was. That is how I felt and what the system was like for me, and I have heard similar stories from others.
I love you all.